Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?
by WickedSong
Summary: 'The desire to press the call button, to talk to him, hear his voice, make him laugh maybe, was very appealing. And she almost did it. Before she promptly shook her head, locked the phone and set it back down on the dresser.' Samcedes angst. Oneshot.


**Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?**

**Written by WickedSong**

**Disclaimer/Note : I don't own Glee and my thoughts on the whole thing that has happened recently are well documented here and on tumblr so no rants. This follows directly on from my previous oneshot 'The Hardest Goodbye' and precedes my twoshot 'You Are The Reason For The Words 'What If' but no additional reading is needed to understand it, only recommended.**

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><p>Mercedes lay the magazine down on her bed in silent frustration, trying desperately to read the next page of it but finding that her mind strayed elsewhere.<p>

Sam had dropped by two nights to tell of his family's departure from Lima back to Tennessee and it had been two nights since she had watched the car drive down the street and around the corner, out of her life. Forever.

She had stood at the door for what seemed like hours, until eventually she had closed it over, and felt tears burn her eyes. She wanted to cry so badly at that moment. She just wanted the pain to engulf her and for it all to just disappear. Keeping calm, however, she informed her parents and brother of the news. They had tried to comfort her but she had refused the hugs and the kisses and had instead walked up to her room.

When she reached her room and lay on her bed, she had no idea how she had managed to hold the tears in but they all came to the fore now. The intensity of which she was crying pained her, made her stomach literally ache. She really wasn't a crier, she didn't let her emotions take the better of her but she had thrown all of her rules out of the window when Sam Evans, with his adorable goofy grin had asked her out in New York City.

She had torn down her walls, let him in to a heart that was so guarded and protected, just waiting for the right guy, and it had led to this. If this was what the pain of really letting someone in was like then she was through with it. She was through with being with someone altogether or at least being with someone so fully that she would feel this way when they were gone.

_It had all been too good to be true_, she told herself. She knew how it went. When there's one moment of great joy, there was often sadness followed by it. She had had her joy with Sam for three weeks and she had just been waiting to see what would screw it up.

And it had been well and truly screwed up.

Mercedes threw the magazine off her bed, as she went to her dresser to pick up her ringing phone. Her heart did a little leap, thinking that maybe it was Sam. But it wasn't. It was Kurt. She had never been sadder to have to read a text from her best friend.

"_Did you hear about Sam? I can't believe they just had to up and leave like that. That motel manager is heartless. Absolutely heartless. :("_

So Sam had texted everyone like he said he would. Good, maybe now she could join in with the sadness that was sure to come from his departure. But then that would put in jeporady keeping their secret safe. The relationship that would always be a secret. That none of their friends would ever find out about now.

She didn't know what to text back now. She had never seemed close to Sam, they were two people who seemingly had nothing in common who enjoyed Glee and had went on a group date to prom. To everyone, except their families who knew about the relationship, that was their only bond.

Mercedes pressed the back button on her phone out of the reply she was sending to Kurt. Nothing she said seemed right. A simple sad face implied that she hardly cared while a long message said that she felt more than she let on.

And at this point, as much as she loved Kurt, Mercedes couldn't deal with him asking her about her and Sam and wanting to know.

It was too painful. It was easier to just pretend it didn't happen at all.

She went into her contact list and scrolled through the names finally reaching the one she wanted to see; Sam Evans. The desire to press the call button, to talk to him, hear his voice, make him laugh maybe, was very appealing. And she almost did it. Before she promptly shook her head, locked the phone and set it back down on the dresser.

What would calling him do? Make this harder? Yeah, it would. It would open up a whole load of shit she just didn't want to deal with. Like how moving on from a three week relationship was proving to be harder than she'd imagined.

In all the scenarios in her head with her and Sam she had never imagined becoming this invested, this close and it scared her to feel so upset now.

When did she, Miss Mercedes Jones, self-confessed diva and strong willed person become so attached to someone?

She picked up her phone again. She stared at his name again, wondering if that would give her any sign of what to do but she was stumped. So she did what she could to avoid the temptation to phone, or to text or to do anything with Sam ever again.

She deleted his number.

She then threw the phone back down on the dresser and picked her magazine back up, hoping she hadn't made a mistake. She resolved to text Kurt back later, when she had a more secure handle on her emotions and knew that she wouldn't give anything away.

And all the while an underlying thought was there; was he thinking about her, the same as she was thinking about him?

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><p>Sam looked at the text, made sure he was sending it to the right person, his finger hovering over the send button but a little voice in the back of his head telling him that he shouldn't do this, that he had told her, that she didn't need any text from him.<p>

"Sammy! Grandma and Grampa say they're gonna take us to the mall later. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

His thoughts were interrupted by Stacie running in and chattering to him and he immediately locked his phone and put it in his pocket.

"Yeah, Stace, sounds great!"

He smiled at her, the best smile he could manage and she smiled back but she also looked concerned.  
>"Are you okay, Sammy? You look sad. You've looked sad since we got here," the little girl said, putting her arms around her older brother's neck and hugging him. "It's all better now."<p>

He felt a lump in his throat but coughed loudly to get rid of it, as he hugged her back. "Yeah it is. Thanks Stace."

It wasn't all better now. In fact he wasn't sure how it could get worse. He had texted everyone yesterday, all with the same version of the night before when they had left and he had had everyone text back in support of him and his family.

He didn't text Mercedes or think about it until this morning, however. It had been when his grandma had innocently asked if he had a girlfriend back in Lima. He had told her he had had two but didn't mention Mercedes.

He was trying to pretend that it never happened.

"What about 'Cedes, Sam?" Stevie had said, shaking his head, believing his brother just to be dense as he turned to his grandparents. "She would help babysit us with him and sometimes bake with us when she could. She was great."

No one, after Stevie's explanation had asked anymore about her however. His parents were tactful to know where the lack of mention of her had came from, Stacie was being quiet and his grandparents didn't think it important to bring up again.

But it was important, _she _was important.

Stacie left the room as their grandpa called for her and Sam took his phone back out of his pocket, staring at the text he was yet to send.

They were going to pretend it had never happened; that those three carefree weeks of summer had never existed to either of them. That when he had told her she was beautiful and asked her to dance at prom had never happened, that the hug at Nationals hadn't happened, that him asking her out hadn't happened.

None of it had happened. Erased. Non-existent. Gone.

He went out of the message screen and found her number.

He deleted it. It would be easier if he just forgot about her altogether now.

And even then, even when he was doing something completely unrelated he would sometimes think about her and he would wonder; was she thinking about him too?

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><p><strong>Okay, so I was chilling, reading some fanfiction when Need You Now by Lady Antebellum comes on my iPod and I'm just like 'must write Samcedes one shot'. So I managed to get on the computer and write this and it came out much better than I thought it would. It's drabble-ish, and it's angsty. I feel like writing all this angst is therapeutic in a way for what has recently occurred and the lack of Samcedes in S3 there will now be. <strong>

**But it makes me feel better knowing that no matter what I have my head canon all sorted out.**

**So I hope you enjoy this one,**

**WickedSong x **


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